The two most powerful words.

I have been very fortunate in my lifetime that I have had several people that I can look up to different ways, either physically, mentally and/or spiritually.

Recently, I met a new person to add to my list. I never thought she would challenge me as much as she has. I thought I had my life all together. I have a good job, my health, loving family, and clearly the unconditional love of my dog so what more did I need in life.  The more and more I talked to her, the more I realized I have no clue what I am doing with my life. I was basically living in a state of content and comfort.

 I was going through the motions of life. The zeal and excitement I once had somehow disappeared.

Together we discovered my biggest weakness is my confidence. I had not realized that I had spent so many years serving others and pleasing others needs that I had neglected my own. I had failed to build myself up. It has always been natural for me to be personable and approachable so naturally others sought me out when they needed something from me and I did because I like pleasing people. That caused me to neglect myself.

The fear of failing had made me lack my confidence.

It all started when I told her the story of how I entered a 5k many years ago. The last half mile, I was followed by an police escort as they were clearing the road again for traffic because I was last. Yeah,  I am pretty sure I could have died of humility that morning. I realized since that event I hadn't really wanted to begin new adventures in life because I was afraid of feeling that same sense of failure. I didn't want to push or challenge myself because I was afraid of coming in last again.

I am still not sure how she did it, but now I don't want to fail her because she has truly helped me be a better me. I have never felt more confident of who I am and what I am capable of.  Don't get me wrong, it is still a work in progress and I still don't know what I am doing with my life, but I loving every minute trying to figure it out. Living in comfort was just plain boring.

I would have never imagined putting myself out there and going on so many first dates in the last year. None of them have ended up with a ring on the finger but each one thought me more who I am and what I wanted in life.

I would have never imagined have imagined that last week I ran a 5k in 36 minutes which is huge for me. I thought I was going to throw up afterwards but that is beside the point. 

I would have never imagined the inner strength that I have inside of me. I have caught myself speaking up without hesitantion, standing up for what I believe in, challenging others and even mentoring again.

The beauty of it all, having gone through that slump helped me recognize how powerful the little things in life are that so many of us take for granted.

With confidence I can say I am a better person because I know she will always be on the sidelines cheering me on.  Today I say, "Thank you" to one of my newest fans. When was the last time you sincerely said "Thank you" to someone help you be a better you.

How to lose a girl on date one.

I have to admit, it has been an interesting run the last year when it comes with first dates. The excitement of meeting someone new, wondering if they are going to be the one and figuring that perfect outfit that will make you feel confident has been a theme lately.

Unfortunately none of them have stuck around to call them relationships, but each one has taught me something and would like to share them along. 

1) Women don't like to feel like a therapist. If you are meeting someone for the first time, its good to not lay it all out there in the open on date number one. Somethings are best to kept a secret for a while. Bringing baggage on date number one is not always a great idea. We don't need to hear about all your sob stories in an hour or two. No one likes to feel like they need a drink just to relax. 

2) Don't friend zone it. If you are interested in a woman make your time with her intentional. Eventually we will lose interest and start seeing you as a friend and get super frustrated that nothing happened and second guess everything you do. If you like a woman, let her know. Don't hang out with her, but date her. Go on dates! If you don't the relationship will get so confusing that eventually nothing will happen since intentions were never direct.

3) Don't quote chick flicks. Even if your favorite movie is Pitch Perfect and you love Glee, girls want a man. They want a man who is not afraid to get his hands dirty and know a thing or two about mechanics or lawn care. Even though we live in an era where women want to feel equal to men, woman deep down want a man to treat them like a Princess/Queen. Open the doors, give us compliments, and don't have your friend set up the date, be a man and call the girl and set up the date. We want man to step up and be pursued.

4) 46 minutes late really? I still wonder sometimes how I stayed that long waiting for the guy. I remember sitting at the bar, lost all my lives on candy crush and texted a few friends and still a no show. I must have been really hungry. If you are going be late, make sure the first thing you say is not "Did you get us a table?" Apologize and you better have a good reason to be 46 minutes late on a first date. Be on time, shoot even get there early. Pull out the chair, order a drink if you know the girl's drink of choice. This goes on a long way and shows you were anticipating this date.

5) "So how as your week?" I ask. He responds with "Oh man, on Tuesday it was so cold that my breathalyzer would not start my car." Ummm so yes, that is a red flag and if you want a woman to turn around and lose interest that is a great phrase, but if not please have a good story about how it was a wake up call and how you are trying to be a better man not that "It's kind of sad I got my license back and have it in my car, it was kind of nice just drinking and making people drive for me." Yeah that happened. 

6) So how many men have you been with? Yes, I was asked that on date number two.  I knew what he was looking for and he wasn't going to get anything from me with that direct of a question. Plus his response to my answer was not very gentleman like. If you want to date a lady then be a gentleman.

7) If you are not interested just tell us. One of my biggest pet peeves is when they stop calling. Did I say or do something wrong? Why hasn't he contacted me? We are big girls and can put on our big girl pants, so just tell us.

8) Don't ever make a woman hangry. If you tell a woman, they are going out to eat, guess what that woman went through at least 5 outfits to find the perfect one and planned out what they were going to eat and has been hungry to eat that meal for a few hours so don't make her hangry by not showing up or canceling. Never mess with a woman and her food.

These are just a few real life examples I have gone through lately. So if you want to lose a girl on date one, follow these simple rules.

Who Saved Who?

This little baby saved my life. 

When I first this Rat Terrier, I was in a phase in my life where all my friends were either married or in a serious relationship.  Goodness, many of them already had one child. I was working 50 hours a week which caused me to gain weight.  I was unhappy and considering to quit my job and stay with the parents til I found a new one. 

Until one special day on June 27th 2010. 

I was out shopping with my dad doing errands.  I have always been a daddy’s girl.  (Which is why I think I am single because I have always tried to find a man like my father, but that is a another topic in itself.)

We went to Petsmart because like father like daughter he owns a fish tank and so do I. We needed filters, so we can replace the old dirty olds and the pumps can do their thing and clean the water.  It just happened to be an adoption day at Petsmart. 

For those that have never walked into a Petsmart in the summer on a Sunday or Saturday this is quite common, but I like to set the stage and make this special day even more meaningful.

 I have always wanted a dog, but I knew having a dog came great responsibility.  I figured, I am 26 now I can take care of a dog. 

Growing up, I saw a movies and tv shows where Lassie always saved the day. Or Free Willy and Flipper gave companionship to a human.  Come on, everything you see is on tv is right so of course my life would be complete if only I had a pet. 

I walked over to the center of the store and looked around and suddenly made eye contact with the cutest little dog you will ever.  She was giving me a look that only a dog in need does. She was calling me to take her home with me.  I said, “That’s the one.”  Look at her! My dad must have had the same feeling because he said lets talk to your mother. 

I knew working 50 hour week, I would need my parent’s full commitment as well because I could not care of a dog on my own.  

We convinced my mom to come to Petsmart to see the pretty little doggie.  She walked into the store very hesitant and walked straight into that cage.  My mother’s eyes truly did start to tear up.  I had not even pointed out which dog I wanted to adopt. 

Needless to say, 300 dollars later I had a dog in the car, cage in the other and a bag full of food, treats, collar and leash.  I was ready to go.  

I would not recommend a dog for everyone that is feeling lonely or need some sort of meaning in my life.  I mean my friends are now all married and now on baby number two. I cannot remember the last time I have slept in because she wakes me up every morning to take her out.  In the initial cost of 300 seems like a piece of cake considering how much vets fees and dog food costs.  

However, I love the feeling knowing when I come home my little baby runs down the stairs and wags her little tail waiting to see me.  I love the feeling that when she is scared or nervous she runs to me for protection. I love seeing her front paws up in the air wanting me carry her and put her on my lap. I love the feeling when she falls asleep on me while laying on the couch. 

Yes, I saved her and adopted her, but let’s be honest she saved me and has taught me what unconditional love could look like.

Deepest Darkest Secret

I have a love/hate relationship with confession. Yes, that's right CONFESSION!  There is something
about saying out loud your sins, mishaps, mistakes, and regrets it just stings.

I know there are many people in my life that don't understand the beauty of confession and I am not here to convince you here otherwise, but solely want to give you a viewpoint how it is to go to confession in the 21st century.  Its not like the old black and white movies where you go to a dark box and you hear a scary voice of a man and he tells you "That's it? Are you sure?"

For myself, when I do something wrong, I am have guilt written all over my forehead. I dislike myself for saying/doing whatever mistake I just did. I dwell on it and after I while I feel the need to say it out loud and seek advice on whatever mistake I did. Let's play the game, would you rather seek advice to someone who also makes mistakes like you or would you rather seek advice to someone who is representative Christ? I am not saying seeking advice from friends is not good because I do it all the time, but sometimes you need to get down to business.

Reasons why I go:

1: Ever heard of humility?
I do this daily as I am far from getting a VIP pass to heaven, but I am trying my best. I am a complete wreck mentally, its not a joy ride, but I stress out about the mere thought of telling my sins out loud to God (the funny thing is He already knows them, so whats the big deal) It is a humbling experience each time. Saying my sins out loud is a wake up that I have some changing to do if I want to get back in the game.

2: White as snow
Remember when you were an child/adult and you were baptized in the white gown symbolizing purity. I heard once that when we sin, we dirty our white gown. Let's be honest by the time I get enough courage to go my gown has holes, dirt and stains. Going to confession you are able to bleach that gown of yours! The best part is, confession is there for you as often as you would like it thus you can get bleached as often a you! You will feel all so fresh and so clean.

3: You will lose ten pounds
Okay, not really, but a weight has been lifted off your shoulder, you can now smile with a true genuine smile. Your sins have been forgiven! Believe it or not, but when someone tells you "I forgive you," thats powerful stuff right there.  A priest is not just there to listen and give penance, but to help us live a better and fuller life so seek that advice that you need.

So why confession, I want to get to heaven and I believe the best way to get there is to be the best person God created you to be; so why not enter with a humble heart, white as snow, and a few extra pounds off your shoulder.

(If you are still wondering why I believe in actually confession instead of just talking to God in prayer, ask and I will try to explain as best as I can)

The Trophy

I have been part of this organization at work now for around a year and half. Its called Toastmasters (toastmasters.org) Its a group of individuals who come together to learn more abour themselves and build on their confident skills as leaders.

Here is my latest speech, enjoy!

Jacqueline "first place" Hernandez is not really my middle name, but let me tell you about a time when I felt like a million bucks.

I have been an active member of Toastmasters for around a year and half now and its common to receive emails or announcements about area or district contests in the area.  My first thought every time is, "Are you kidding me, I am nervous enough at my own meetings, why would I torture myself and go somewhere and be judged by even more talented people."

I don't remember how or when but somehow I volunteered to participate in the area contest to compete in table topics. I figured all I had to do with limit my um and ah and speak from one to two minutes on a random topic they present, so how hard could that be.

Luckily, I received a friendly reminder the week of and my hurt heart sank to the floor while I read that email.

"What the heck, have I done to myself. Am I really doing this?" The contest was only 5 minutes from where I live and it started at 9:30 am so I could still sleep in a little.

The morning of, I kept telling trying to figure out excuses to bail, such as, it was the first Saturday all year where the high was going be in the 70s and the next day snow. There was no way, I was going to spend it indoors in a library listening to speeches.

Needless to say, I was there 9:30 am sharp and hoped I had remembered to put on some deodorant before I left the door. With the exception of 4 of us, the median age was around 55. I was completely out of comfort zone. People had name tags, binders, pads of paper and were ready to go.

I signed in, filled out the paperwork and quietly waited for instructions. I kept seeing everyone so relaxed and socializing with each other and knew today was going to be an experience.

Each speech was beautifully presented with perfect body movements, lack of notes, great eye contact. I knew when it was my turn to talk all eyes were going to  be on me and didn't want that attention whatsoever.

It was 5 til 11 and the toastmaster announced there was a break. "What a break? I want this contest to be over. I will not be able to compete with these amazing individuals that I have just heard." I thought.

Table topics was the last portion of the contest so the anticipation was literally killing me and all I knew was keep your arms down because you will be sweating like a pig. I was feeling like the individuals in the 90s sure commercials "sure, sure, sure, unsure, unsure, unsure.

I had the privilege to begin the contest. The toastmaster said my name and I walked up and shock her hand and she said the magic words I had been waiting for all morning, "Jacqueline Hernandez, social media Jacqueline Hernandez"

I had it in the bag, what kind of 30 year old doesn't have an opinion on social media.  I was confident and sure during that minutes and even spoke past the one minute mark.

That morning ladies and gentlemen I received my first trophy ever. First place my friends. I won't tell you how many people I was up against because that will spoil the story.

This trophy is a symbol of many firsts to come as Toastmaster has truly enabled me to have the confidence I had buried inside of myself.

I am not perfect my any means nor does this mean I will join each contest that occurs in our area and district, but I am grateful for the experience that Toastmaster provided me that morning and I am a proud member of this organization.

What are you running from?

It has been many years since I wrote down my thoughts on a blog, but here goes....

I recently started training myself to run and there is a reason for this but that is for another post. While running, it has come to my attention that what I have been truly running from in my life the last few years is myself.

There comes a point in your life where you have to start taking care of yourself and for me that came recently when I realized I was turning 30. I have focused majority of my 20s on others and their well being, pleasing others, and I have not focused on what I am supposed to with my life.

Today, I ran the most I have ever ran without stopping in 2 years, it was only a mile, but this mile was a milestone.  I felt the wind around me, the sun shining, and a path that seemed endless. I conquered something that I never thought I could do. What kept me going was, "Jacqueline, you can do this!" So  I ran until the app I was using said I could walk again.

This evening, I ran into a friend that lately when we do see each other gives me a hard time on why we haven't hung out.  I went up to her twice and was getting a cold vibe from her when finally I stopped her to catch up.  However when catching up, within 5 minutes, she had made comments, such as "I am glad you are actually alive." "So your job has supposedly kept you busy." "So baseball season is coming up so I am gonna probably gonna even see less of you." A few eye rolls later on her end, and I spoke up. I was straight and told her I don't appreciate being talked to like that when friendships takes two people.

Tonight, longer story short, I gave a guy my number. Crazy, I know?!?! There's always a first in life.

Why, you ask am I telling you all this? The old Jacqueline would have given up and never kept on running. The old Jacqueline would have ever stood up for herself. The old Jacqueline would have left the night thinking, man I wonder what would have happened if I gave that guy my number.

Stop running from the fear of striking out. If all you do is stand at the plate and you never swing because you are too nervous, you will just strike out and never have the opportunity to hit a home run.

I am not saying my actions today were perfect, but tonight I can go to bed knowing I have no regrets and I am proud of that.

Run as fast as you can and make sure you ask the Lord for the strength to keep on running.  I still don't have all the answers and still don't know what I am doing with my life, but I do know is with HIM all things are possible.