The two most powerful words.

I have been very fortunate in my lifetime that I have had several people that I can look up to different ways, either physically, mentally and/or spiritually.

Recently, I met a new person to add to my list. I never thought she would challenge me as much as she has. I thought I had my life all together. I have a good job, my health, loving family, and clearly the unconditional love of my dog so what more did I need in life.  The more and more I talked to her, the more I realized I have no clue what I am doing with my life. I was basically living in a state of content and comfort.

 I was going through the motions of life. The zeal and excitement I once had somehow disappeared.

Together we discovered my biggest weakness is my confidence. I had not realized that I had spent so many years serving others and pleasing others needs that I had neglected my own. I had failed to build myself up. It has always been natural for me to be personable and approachable so naturally others sought me out when they needed something from me and I did because I like pleasing people. That caused me to neglect myself.

The fear of failing had made me lack my confidence.

It all started when I told her the story of how I entered a 5k many years ago. The last half mile, I was followed by an police escort as they were clearing the road again for traffic because I was last. Yeah,  I am pretty sure I could have died of humility that morning. I realized since that event I hadn't really wanted to begin new adventures in life because I was afraid of feeling that same sense of failure. I didn't want to push or challenge myself because I was afraid of coming in last again.

I am still not sure how she did it, but now I don't want to fail her because she has truly helped me be a better me. I have never felt more confident of who I am and what I am capable of.  Don't get me wrong, it is still a work in progress and I still don't know what I am doing with my life, but I loving every minute trying to figure it out. Living in comfort was just plain boring.

I would have never imagined putting myself out there and going on so many first dates in the last year. None of them have ended up with a ring on the finger but each one thought me more who I am and what I wanted in life.

I would have never imagined have imagined that last week I ran a 5k in 36 minutes which is huge for me. I thought I was going to throw up afterwards but that is beside the point. 

I would have never imagined the inner strength that I have inside of me. I have caught myself speaking up without hesitantion, standing up for what I believe in, challenging others and even mentoring again.

The beauty of it all, having gone through that slump helped me recognize how powerful the little things in life are that so many of us take for granted.

With confidence I can say I am a better person because I know she will always be on the sidelines cheering me on.  Today I say, "Thank you" to one of my newest fans. When was the last time you sincerely said "Thank you" to someone help you be a better you.

How to lose a girl on date one.

I have to admit, it has been an interesting run the last year when it comes with first dates. The excitement of meeting someone new, wondering if they are going to be the one and figuring that perfect outfit that will make you feel confident has been a theme lately.

Unfortunately none of them have stuck around to call them relationships, but each one has taught me something and would like to share them along. 

1) Women don't like to feel like a therapist. If you are meeting someone for the first time, its good to not lay it all out there in the open on date number one. Somethings are best to kept a secret for a while. Bringing baggage on date number one is not always a great idea. We don't need to hear about all your sob stories in an hour or two. No one likes to feel like they need a drink just to relax. 

2) Don't friend zone it. If you are interested in a woman make your time with her intentional. Eventually we will lose interest and start seeing you as a friend and get super frustrated that nothing happened and second guess everything you do. If you like a woman, let her know. Don't hang out with her, but date her. Go on dates! If you don't the relationship will get so confusing that eventually nothing will happen since intentions were never direct.

3) Don't quote chick flicks. Even if your favorite movie is Pitch Perfect and you love Glee, girls want a man. They want a man who is not afraid to get his hands dirty and know a thing or two about mechanics or lawn care. Even though we live in an era where women want to feel equal to men, woman deep down want a man to treat them like a Princess/Queen. Open the doors, give us compliments, and don't have your friend set up the date, be a man and call the girl and set up the date. We want man to step up and be pursued.

4) 46 minutes late really? I still wonder sometimes how I stayed that long waiting for the guy. I remember sitting at the bar, lost all my lives on candy crush and texted a few friends and still a no show. I must have been really hungry. If you are going be late, make sure the first thing you say is not "Did you get us a table?" Apologize and you better have a good reason to be 46 minutes late on a first date. Be on time, shoot even get there early. Pull out the chair, order a drink if you know the girl's drink of choice. This goes on a long way and shows you were anticipating this date.

5) "So how as your week?" I ask. He responds with "Oh man, on Tuesday it was so cold that my breathalyzer would not start my car." Ummm so yes, that is a red flag and if you want a woman to turn around and lose interest that is a great phrase, but if not please have a good story about how it was a wake up call and how you are trying to be a better man not that "It's kind of sad I got my license back and have it in my car, it was kind of nice just drinking and making people drive for me." Yeah that happened. 

6) So how many men have you been with? Yes, I was asked that on date number two.  I knew what he was looking for and he wasn't going to get anything from me with that direct of a question. Plus his response to my answer was not very gentleman like. If you want to date a lady then be a gentleman.

7) If you are not interested just tell us. One of my biggest pet peeves is when they stop calling. Did I say or do something wrong? Why hasn't he contacted me? We are big girls and can put on our big girl pants, so just tell us.

8) Don't ever make a woman hangry. If you tell a woman, they are going out to eat, guess what that woman went through at least 5 outfits to find the perfect one and planned out what they were going to eat and has been hungry to eat that meal for a few hours so don't make her hangry by not showing up or canceling. Never mess with a woman and her food.

These are just a few real life examples I have gone through lately. So if you want to lose a girl on date one, follow these simple rules.

Deepest Darkest Secret

I have a love/hate relationship with confession. Yes, that's right CONFESSION!  There is something
about saying out loud your sins, mishaps, mistakes, and regrets it just stings.

I know there are many people in my life that don't understand the beauty of confession and I am not here to convince you here otherwise, but solely want to give you a viewpoint how it is to go to confession in the 21st century.  Its not like the old black and white movies where you go to a dark box and you hear a scary voice of a man and he tells you "That's it? Are you sure?"

For myself, when I do something wrong, I am have guilt written all over my forehead. I dislike myself for saying/doing whatever mistake I just did. I dwell on it and after I while I feel the need to say it out loud and seek advice on whatever mistake I did. Let's play the game, would you rather seek advice to someone who also makes mistakes like you or would you rather seek advice to someone who is representative Christ? I am not saying seeking advice from friends is not good because I do it all the time, but sometimes you need to get down to business.

Reasons why I go:

1: Ever heard of humility?
I do this daily as I am far from getting a VIP pass to heaven, but I am trying my best. I am a complete wreck mentally, its not a joy ride, but I stress out about the mere thought of telling my sins out loud to God (the funny thing is He already knows them, so whats the big deal) It is a humbling experience each time. Saying my sins out loud is a wake up that I have some changing to do if I want to get back in the game.

2: White as snow
Remember when you were an child/adult and you were baptized in the white gown symbolizing purity. I heard once that when we sin, we dirty our white gown. Let's be honest by the time I get enough courage to go my gown has holes, dirt and stains. Going to confession you are able to bleach that gown of yours! The best part is, confession is there for you as often as you would like it thus you can get bleached as often a you! You will feel all so fresh and so clean.

3: You will lose ten pounds
Okay, not really, but a weight has been lifted off your shoulder, you can now smile with a true genuine smile. Your sins have been forgiven! Believe it or not, but when someone tells you "I forgive you," thats powerful stuff right there.  A priest is not just there to listen and give penance, but to help us live a better and fuller life so seek that advice that you need.

So why confession, I want to get to heaven and I believe the best way to get there is to be the best person God created you to be; so why not enter with a humble heart, white as snow, and a few extra pounds off your shoulder.

(If you are still wondering why I believe in actually confession instead of just talking to God in prayer, ask and I will try to explain as best as I can)

What are you running from?

It has been many years since I wrote down my thoughts on a blog, but here goes....

I recently started training myself to run and there is a reason for this but that is for another post. While running, it has come to my attention that what I have been truly running from in my life the last few years is myself.

There comes a point in your life where you have to start taking care of yourself and for me that came recently when I realized I was turning 30. I have focused majority of my 20s on others and their well being, pleasing others, and I have not focused on what I am supposed to with my life.

Today, I ran the most I have ever ran without stopping in 2 years, it was only a mile, but this mile was a milestone.  I felt the wind around me, the sun shining, and a path that seemed endless. I conquered something that I never thought I could do. What kept me going was, "Jacqueline, you can do this!" So  I ran until the app I was using said I could walk again.

This evening, I ran into a friend that lately when we do see each other gives me a hard time on why we haven't hung out.  I went up to her twice and was getting a cold vibe from her when finally I stopped her to catch up.  However when catching up, within 5 minutes, she had made comments, such as "I am glad you are actually alive." "So your job has supposedly kept you busy." "So baseball season is coming up so I am gonna probably gonna even see less of you." A few eye rolls later on her end, and I spoke up. I was straight and told her I don't appreciate being talked to like that when friendships takes two people.

Tonight, longer story short, I gave a guy my number. Crazy, I know?!?! There's always a first in life.

Why, you ask am I telling you all this? The old Jacqueline would have given up and never kept on running. The old Jacqueline would have ever stood up for herself. The old Jacqueline would have left the night thinking, man I wonder what would have happened if I gave that guy my number.

Stop running from the fear of striking out. If all you do is stand at the plate and you never swing because you are too nervous, you will just strike out and never have the opportunity to hit a home run.

I am not saying my actions today were perfect, but tonight I can go to bed knowing I have no regrets and I am proud of that.

Run as fast as you can and make sure you ask the Lord for the strength to keep on running.  I still don't have all the answers and still don't know what I am doing with my life, but I do know is with HIM all things are possible. 

I am not alone and neither are you.

(Pardon, the one year absence...but I am back for a while at least)....some thoughts I had today....

Today, a coworker told me that my clock is ticking and I shouldn't be so picky.  At least once a week I hear from someone, you should date so and so.  Getting older and having most of your friends already married and having children does make you realize that maybe these people are right my clock is ticking. But great news, I am not alone and haven't been for a while.

So this is the part where you think I have suddenly started dating and I found my vocation, but you are wrong.  Not dating and still no vocation.  I am as single as ever, but still not alone.

Because I am loved by the man who will never stop loving me and is by side 24/7.  Which if you think about it, kinda scary because I am a sinner, but that is a different story.  I could be brought down by all the chick flicks, love songs, and what people tell me, but I am not alone.  I have my best friend by my side each and every day.  Right now as I am typing this, Jesus is here.

I know I might be stretching this post a little too far, but this is all my single peeps out there, you are not alone and do not let media or anyone else convince you that you are.  If you can imagine a little more with me, your guardian angel is even by your side.  So this in room right now with me, I have my dog, my angel, Jesus and about a dozen fish, so not alone.

The point of this post (and I know I haven't written in a while) is to make you think and not feel discouraged and lonely.  You are never alone, HE IS WITH US. So people stop thinking my life is miserable and I am lonely because I am not.  Currently I am happier than I have been in a long time.  Why you may ask? Because started up a daily prayer life again and starting talking to the guy you loves me and knows me better than anyone else.  

Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." It's amazing that if you put all your energy in our Lord, everything doesn't seem to matter and you have a sense of inner peace.  I will be honest, this peace might only last 5 minutes and you might start getting caught up in the worries of this world, but you have have to pulled right back in into this peace.  Trust in the Lord!

I was listening to the radio and a popular country song from Sugarland came on called Stuck like glue and it made me start to think...

"Absolutely no one that knows me better
No one that can make me feel sooo gooood
How did you stay so long together?
When everybody, everybody said we never would
And just when, I start to think they're right
That love has died....

There you go making my heart beat again,
Heart beat again, Heart beat again,
There you go making me feel like a kid
Won't you do it and do it one time?
There you go pulling me right back in, 
Right back in, Right back in
And I know-oo I'm never letting this go-ooo

I'm stuck on you....."

Friends, that is the description of my on and off again friendship with Christ. This world truly does not allow me to live a life with Christ.  We are so caught up with greed, jealously, anger, sins of the flesh, judgment to just name a few that we cannot see the purity of life.  The Bible even tells us that only the pure of heart shall see our God. (Matthew 5:8) It is no wonder that so many people live a life without Christ because there is a lack of purity in this world.

When you are caught up in this peace and love of the Lord, you do become a little bit like a child and you have a sense of innocence.  You begin to have the faith of a child.  Faith that is so real and innocent. Faith of a child is complete abandonment to Him, our Savior.  Children are weak and need their parents to protect them, to feed them, to nourish them.  We need this from our Lord everyday to have this peace in our live.  Matthew 18:3 "Truly I say to you, Unless You turn around and become as young children, you will by no means enter into the kingdom of the heavens."

People do say its impossible to live a life with Christ and might even laugh at you if you tell them you are never alone, but HE continuously pulling us right back in, right back in and we should never let go.

Some days I don't feel like trying
Some days you know I wanna just give up.....

It's a hard life to live against what culture is telling how to live, but if we all lived for what makes feel good, then we could never experience TRUE JOY.  I do want to give us because what makes me feel good does feel good, but will only last for a while.  But living a life with the man who never knows me better is worth it.


I am not alone, I am with the one who knows me better and this love has not died, He is pulling right back in each and every day.  I am truly blest and you can be to.